Let go

Sometimes, you just GOT to let it go.
It´s for your own safety and everyone else´s.
It will not always be easy, fast or fair
But´s always the best choice you can make.
Of course it´s hard, beacause letting go means getting rid of something you used to know.
In the end, to not let it go is worst than anything, you end up holdin on to something you were suposed to threw away.
So that´s how you move on in life.
We are the ones who make a path for the other ones to follow.
You might make it wrong but in the end it´s their choice, whether to make or not to make the same mistake.
I don´t know if I´m going to make the same mistakes as her, but I know I choose the path of LOVE

Lo mismo de siempre

Es que ya no te entiendo

y no puedo hacerme cargo de lo que no haces

ni de lo que haces.

No se si venis o vas...no quiero sufrir mas

Se lo que puedo hacer, pero no quiero volver a ser la que hable

Estoy demasiado pendiente de vos...

No te entiendo, nunca voy a hacerlo,¿verdad?

¿Que buscas aca?

A ponerse las pilas

Me estas volviendo loca...
Y yo me estoy volviendo loca a mi misma tambien (y cuando no?!)
Pero sigo, sigo aca porque creo que va a valer la pena.
Sigo por esa sonrisa, por esos ojos que me matan, por esas ganas de quererte que tengo
Y espero poder enseñarte algo,aunque no se mucho, pero que es mejor que nada.
Espero que entiendas que no soy la que vino a sacarte tu libertad, y que jamas haria algo para molestarte.
Y si estoy todo el tiempo atras tuyo, perdoname, yo trato de controlarme, es porque siento que necesitas saber que estoy y que voy a estar ahi, al ladito tuyo, siempre.
Creo, amor, que si nos ponemos media, o aunque sea un cuarto de pila, lo podemos hacer.
Vos,¿que pensas?

Let me go

She looked familiar to me but, where from?
- The…the n…the name is…-
- I think she´s trying to say something, listen.- I said.
- …the n…the name is…is Pe…Peter.- she whispered weakly, looking straight to her cell phone, which was being held in my hands.
My common sense told me to turn the device on, but I was soon distracted by the other keeper, who was talking behind me.
- Hum…Mike? I think we´ve lost her.-
No, she couldn´t be dead. Not as long as I was there.
- Let me…- I checked her pulse.- thank God, she´s only suffered a faint.-
She was bleeding all over her, how couldn´t she faint?! I remembered than, when it happened to me, I could barely breathe and I fainted right away. That was before I…I tried very hard not to finish that last thought.
- Mike? The ambulance has just arrived.- another keeper told me.
I was steering at her. She looked so little, but yet, so bloody strong! And courageous as well…I almost laughed at the thought of her being the kind of girl my brother would like. I couldn´t believe my eyes, such a young and lovely girl…How could anyone want to hurt her?! Was steeling something away from her worth having shot at her? Yet, I knew her, and I couldn´t seem to remember who she was…
As we were taking her to the nearest hospital, I remembered I was carrying her phone. I looked for the ´P´ on its agenda and went down through the names until I found the one that I was looking for. I almost had a meltdown: the phone number I had in front of me was my brother´s.
Of course I knew the girl who´ve had the accident, the same girl who was bleeding out next to me. I took a deep breath…It was the first time in many years that I was going to talk to him, and my Superiors knew all along how much I´d missed little Peter, how I´d wished for a second chance on Earth. I´d been so long…I wish I´d done things differently. But now, it was about saving her life. Peter had already lost a brother, I wasn´t going to let fate take his girlfriend away from him too. Before I could press any buttons, the phone was already calling him.
- Hello? Sophie?-
Clearly, his voice wasn´t as childish as I remembered, but that was normal. I did the math: he was about to turn 18 years old. Wow.
- Honey? Are you there…?.-
How I wished to tell him that I´d think of him every single day. How I wished to tell him I was watching over him. How I wished to hug him and tell him I love him. But sadly, I couldn´t do so.
- Sophie has had an accident. She´ll be in St. Hollies´ hospital. She needs you, so go as fast as you can.- That was everything I was able to say.
- Wait, what?! Oh my God…is she…is she okay?.- he was shocked, but it was easy to tell he´d been through this before.
- No, but she´ll be just fine. Don´t worry, okay?.- I was struggling for the words not to come out from my mouth.
- I´ve already heard that one…- he said – it´s funny though, you sound just like my br..-
I hanged up.
We left Sophie at the hospital and, then, the other keepers returned to the Superiors for another assignment.
I, instead, chose to walk my way through the streets. When I felt I couldn´t cope with it anymore, I hide under the biggest tree I found, trying to run from myself. And I did what I´d been needing to do since I died: to cry. Joy, sadness, hate, everything was mixed up inside those tears I had saved for so long. It was strange, almost unbearable. I couldn´t stop myself from crying, it was frustrating, and I couldn´t conceive how I could once think that I would never cry again. Suddenly, I noticed I´d started to vanish, and I was able to understand what was going on: my time between Heaven and Earth was finally over.
With tears of proud, I arise. I was becoming an angel.

Entre sueños

Sola. Sola, contando cada segundo lenta y tristemente.
Cierro los ojos para no dejar salir mis lágrimas. Y no me duermo, para no soñar con él.
Y es que nadie entiende el por qué de mi insomnio…
Pero cuando me rindo, cuando mi cuerpo no lo soporta mas, vuelvo a ese aula tan parecida pero tan distinta a la realidad, en donde él me dice que todo está bien y que los problemas volaron hacia un horizonte desconocido y sin retorno.
Y al despertar y darme cuenta del truco que me había jugado mi inconsciente, no hay imagen que refleje el vacío y la tristeza que siento.
Y por sobre todas las cosas, me duele y me cuesta mucho darme cuenta del significado que tiene este sueño. Pero las cosas son así. Y yo, y yo me muero porque me regale aunque sea una sola palabra…una letra…una mirada de complicidad.
¿Hablar con él? ¿Después de todo lo que le hice? No seria justo.
¿Qué le iría a reclamar? ¿Qué derecho tengo sobre él? Nada, no tengo nada. Solo un profundo y horrible egocentrismo.
Vivir sabiendo que esta bien y sin mí…no me gusta. Pero es algo que tengo que aceptar.
Ahora no quiero abrir los ojos.
Y es que nadie entiende el por qué de mi insomnio.

Cronica de un amor perdido

Se escucha un sonido horrible y entre nosotros se abre la peor de mis pesadillas.
Estamos tan cerca y a la vez tan lejos
Me estiro para alcanzar tu mano, para tocarte, pero mientras más trato mas difícil se me hace
Las lágrimas de rabia están ahí, siguiendo el curso del viento que esta empeñado en hacerme fracasar.
Todavía no nos toca…
Grito tu nombre, desesperada, trato de captar tu atención, pero vos no me escuchas…
Vos te alejas, y yo me voy quedando sola.
El suelo se abre cada vez mas, es evidente que dentro de unos segundos ya no podrás cruzar hacia mi lado.
Y me das la espalda, tan ajeno a mi, tan distinto a como yo te conocí…
Y no querés entender que puede haber un después…como si no quisieras saber nada más.
El dolor se apoderó de mí, la impotencia me desgarra, no tengo más fuerzas ya…
Te convertís en un extraño, y yo en una muñeca rota y sin dueño.
De nuevo el ruido amenazante, ya no hay nada que pueda hacer. La grieta se va a abrir del todo y nos va a dividir en dos mundos totalmente diferentes.
Ahora lo sé,
Por más que luche contra la corriente
Por más que lo desee con todo mi corazón
Por más que lo haya imaginado de una forma tan diferente y feliz…
Las cosas nunca van a ser como yo las quiero
Y ahora lo sé,
Te perdí para siempre

Primeriza!

Acá estoy, comenzado mi primer (y espero,definitivo) blog.

¿Por qué lo empecé? Porque tengo ganitas de compartir con la gente las cosas que me pasan, de hacer algo más con esos cuentos que escribo, de trascender.

Ojala les sirvan para algo esos cuentos :)

Un beso,

Jaz